


Nightmares

by verprovoke



Category: Final Fantasy XIV
Genre: Angst, im sorry i put you through this jai but listen, spoilers for up to 5.0
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-24
Updated: 2020-02-24
Packaged: 2021-02-27 20:15:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,026
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22871587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/verprovoke/pseuds/verprovoke
Summary: Some nights, Jai could sleep well. This was not one of those nights.
Relationships: G'raha Tia | Crystal Exarch/Warrior of Light, past Warrior of Light/Haurchefant Greystone
Comments: 2
Kudos: 18





	Nightmares

**Author's Note:**

> sometimes a dude just needs some bro chat

Some nights, it was easy for Jai to sleep. He could rest all night with no issues and not dream at all.

As he shot up from his sleep, his ears pinned back so far they _hurt_ and a scream caught in his throat, he knew tonight wouldn’t be one of those blissful nights.

He threw his thick blanket and ran a hand down his sweat soaked face. “Haurchefant,” he whispered brokenly, his body starting to shake as if he’d caught a chill. “I’m sorry.”

On nights like this, he could swear he still felt the warm blood on his hands as he desperately tried to heal his lover. Could see the color fade from Haurchefant’s face as Jai prayed to every god he knew that his pitiful healing magic would do _something._

He remembered screaming that it should’ve been him.

Dante managed to calm him down back then, but he could only do so much. Jai was still fighting these feelings, even years later and on another shard. Leaving the Source hadn’t been enough to leave everything behind.

“Some air will help,” he muttered and finally pushed himself out of bed. He slipped on some loose pants, a poncho and slippers and made his way out of the Pendants. He gave a nod to the Master of Suites, who seemed used to Jai’s issues by now.

“Do you need anything, Master Anand?”

Jai forced a smile and shook his head. “Just feeling restless and need some air. Don’t worry.”

“If you insist. Be safe.”

Jai just nodded again before lifting his hood to cover his ears and walked outside. After night returned, it felt like Lakeland was much colder. He shivered a little, the cool air doing a lot to wake him up.

“You sure are up late.”

Jai jumped, looking to the side to see Thancred leaning against the wall. Thancred tilted his head in greeting as Jai walked over.

“Ah, yeah. Couldn’t get back to sleep.”

“You’re not good at lying, you know,” Thancred responded casually, shooting Jai a pointed look. “Not with us. What’s wrong?”

Jai rubbed his arm and looked away. “Just a nightmare. It’s nothing.”

Thancred sighed. “If you really don’t want to talk about it, then you don’t have to.” He sat down on the grass, patting the spot next to him. “But I have the feeling you do.”

Jai worried his lip before nodding and sitting on the ground. He was silent for a while, grateful that Thancred didn’t push him. “...Haurchefant…”

Thancred nodded, leaning his head back against the wall. “I didn’t get to meet him, but Dante said you were close.”

“Yeah. He was my boyfriend and I…” Jai looked up at the sky. “I think he would’ve liked it here. I’ve dreamed about him more because of it.”

“Not all good ones, I take it.”

Jai brought his knees up to his chest, wrapping his arms around them. “Sometimes they’re good. Not tonight.” He buried his face in his knees. “He died because of me.”

Thancred hummed in thought. “From what Dante has told me, the Heavensward was responsible.”

“Maybe, but it only happened because I wasn’t paying attention. He sacrificed himself to save me.”

“He made his choice, Jai,” Thancred said softly. “Wouldn’t you have done the same?”

“...Yes, but he had more to accomplish than I did.”

“Says a Warrior of Light.”

Jai shrugged, his eyes darting towards the Crystal Tower in the distance. “I’m really not.”

“You’ve fought primals and killed near gods,” Thancred said with a chuckle. “I think that qualifies you.”

“Dante did most of the work. My magic isn’t that strong and I’m not a great fighter, honestly.”

“Jai, I’ve seen you in action. Your magic might be damaged, yes, but it’s still there and you’re _quite_ the fighter.” He bumped his shoulder against Jai’s. “I think your dancing skills give Lyna a run for her money.”

Jai managed a laugh. “I doubt that, but thank you.”

“You’re far too hard on yourself, my friend.”

Jai shot him a look. “Says the man that blamed himself for being possessed.”

“Touche, but we’re not talking about _my_ issues right now, are we?”

“Would probably be more productive,” Jai muttered. He sighed. “Fine, you might be right, but it’s hard not to see myself as… lesser. Did you know I couldn’t even read before I joined the Scions?”

“I didn’t, but I think I was only a few years younger than you before I learned.”

Jai’s eyes widened. “Wh-What? But…”

“But I’m a Scion, meaning I was educated in Sharlayan?” At Jai’s nod, he continued. “I grew up as a street urchin in Limsa. I didn’t go to Sharlayan until I made the mistake of trying to rob Louisoix Leveilleur. Instead of turning me in, like he probably should have if I’m honest, he decided to get me educated.” He shrugged. “The rest is history.”

“I… It was similar for me; only I joined the Adders instead of going to Sharlayan, obviously.” Jai laughed into his arm. “Vorsaile actually caught me in the middle of a fight with some other kids. Guess he saw something he liked because he asked me to join and I did.”

“You weren’t scared to join?”

“Why would I be? They gave me free room and board and a stipend. It was definitely better than I was ever going to get in Ul’dah.”

“You weren’t worried about the fighting you’d have to do?”

Jai shrugged. “At the time, I wasn’t worried about much of anything other than surviving. It wasn’t until later that I realized what I’d risked by joining. I was young and stupid and desparate.” He laughed self-consciously. “I don’t think anything has changed, really.”

“You’re optimistic, not stupid, Jai. We need people like that. Now more than ever.”

“I’ll have to take your word for it.”

“Good, you should listen to your elders.” Thancred stood and ruffled Jai’s hair. “Come on, I think we’ve both earned a drink. You can tell me about your thing with the Exarch.”

Jai jumped up, his face red. “H-How did you know about that?”

“Didn’t until now!”

**Author's Note:**

> hey if you wanna see me yell about my son im @forgivenvibe on twitter


End file.
